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Father's Reflection 7.16.23
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My second “conversion”
You would think after I entered seminary and became a priest that I would be able to say, “I’m my heart is fully converted to God.” However, the more time goes on, the more I realize how much more there is to allowing Him to love me more fully and giving myself totally to Him in return!
Beginning in seminary, Jesus brought me to a new level of intimacy with Him, and so I want to outline a few steps in this next layer of my conversion of heart, and like last week, I hope that this reflection will resonate with your own walk with Jesus.
A few key turning points for me after my “reversion” to my Catholic faith in college:
1. A conversation with the priest in charge of my “formation” at the seminary in which he rightly diagnosed a harshness that I had with myself and in my relationship with Jesus. Rather than primarily receiving His love, I was (and still often am) overly preoccupied with trying to earn and achieve my holiness, putting all the burden on myself.
2. A weekly prayer group with other seminarians that I began attending: I grew in my appreciation of having praise and worship be a regular part of my day, centering my heart on Him. I learned how to get out of my comfort zone to pray out loud with other people for their needs, and I experienced the power of being prayed with in this way.
3. Watching a documentary called “Fearless” (you can find it for free on YouTube) which challenged what I believed God wanted to do with me and convicted me to grow more in my understanding of the power of the Holy Spirit. The documentary showed a healing service taking place at a Catholic parish in Michigan and an amazing number of people testified to the physical healing they had experienced. This began a desire in my heart to be vessel of healing for others.
4. Going to an Encounter Ministries' retreat in Michigan at the end of 2020, where I witnessed people moving powerfully in the gifts of the Holy Spirit. There I was prayed for a number of times for a deeper outpouring of the Holy Spirit in my own priestly ministry.
5. Through an 8-day silent retreat with a spiritual director in February of 2021, I experienced deep emotional and spiritual healing from a traumatic event in my childhood, and I believe this unlocked a greater capacity for me to bring the same kind of healing in other peoples’ lives.
With this series of events listed above (and many other experiences), I was healed of wounds I didn’t even realize I carried, and I began to be transformed in the fire of the Holy Spirit. Since February 2021, I have had a deeper joy and peace in my heart, and my spiritual life and priestly ministry has exploded in fruitfulness. I’m not “doing” more, but I try to continually surrender more to the power of the Holy Spirit and what GOD wants to do and collaborate with His plan and many beautiful things happen from there.
Again, I am just at the beginning of my journey, but this portion that I am sharing has been life changing. Thank you for bearing with me as I share about my background, and I look forward to the many more new things the Holy Spirit wants to do in me in and in these parishes as we journey more toward Jesus together!
In Jesus’ joy,
Fr. Joel